Going Home: A Comedy Blog Tour

Who's on a virtual book tour today?  John Arnold, author of GOING HOME: A COMEDY, is and is stopping off here!  Please leave a comment or question for John to let him know you stopped by!

About the Book:

Title: Going Home: A Comedy

Author: John Arnold

Publisher: Independent

Pages: 128

Genre: Play (Comedy)

Going Home is a light-hearted comedy about a family vacation across the U.S. in the early 1960s. The Sacramento Bee called it "a gentle journey down memory lane...'Going Home' shows us where we belong."

For More Information

• Going Home: A Comedy is available at Amazon.
• Pick up your copy at Barnes & Noble.

Book Excerpt:

TIME: The early 1960s

PLACE: A family vacation car ride from California to Michigan

with stops in-between

CHARACTERS:

MOM

DAD

BILLY

(The following roles can be doubled or tripled)

“DINAH SHORE”

HUEY THE DUCK
MR. JOHNSON, THE MAILMAN

CACTUS JACK
CACTUS PETE

COWBOY BOB

PRINCESS MOONGLOW

MOTEL LADY

WAITRESS

SODA JERK

GRANDMA

AUNT MILLY

UNCLE FRED

COUSIN LEONARD

COUSIN CHARLENE

GREAT AUNT BEA

Act One

CHILDREN'S CHORUS  (Singing) "Over the river and through the woods

                                                                        To grandmother's house we go..."

                           

"DINAH SHORE"  (Singing) "See the U.S.A.

                                                            In your Chevrolet..."

CHILDREN'S CHORUS  "...The horse knows the way

                                                                                    To carry the sleigh..."

"DINAH SHORE"  "...America's the greatest land of all..."

"CHILDREN'S CHORUS  "...Over the river and through the woods..."

"DINAH SHORE"  "See the U.S.A. in your Chevrolet -

                                                            America's the greatest land of all!"

                                                (She blows the audience a big kiss)          

                                                Mmmmumph!!!

(There is the sound made by an alarm clock. Then...)

(Lights up. MOM enters carrying a Styrofoam ice chest and paper bag)

                

MOM  (Calls off) Honey! Come on!

(DAD enters, carrying three suitcases)                    

DAD   (Calls off) Hurry up!  We got to make 600 miles today!

BILLY  (Enters sleepily, wearing his jeans and still wearing his

               pajama top)   It's still dark!

DAD  Oh, my God! He's still wearing his pajamas!

MOM  (Helps him out of his pajama tops and into a shirt)   Only part

                        of them!

DAD  And his shoes aren't even tied!

BILLY  I'm sleepy!

MOM  (Tying the shoes) He's sleepy.

DAD  My God, we got 600 miles to go!

MOM  (Tying the other shoe)   Are you excited about seeing Grandma and

                        your aunts and uncles and your cousins?

BILLY  (Rubs his eyes) Uh-huh.

MOM   Grandma's going to be so glad to see you!

BILLY  Uh-huh.

MOM  ...We haven't seen her in such a long time...

DAD  (Looks at his watch) I want to get to Flagstaff TONIGHT.

MOM  (Very seriously) Did you go to the bathroom?

BILLY   Uh-huh.

MOM            Number one or number two?

BILLY  (Humiliated, softly)  I went.                    

MOM  Which one, honey?

DAD  For God's sake. We don't need the details. Let's go!

MOM  OK. (Indicates bag and Styrofoam chest) I've baked you brownies

             and cookies and there's pop in there and things for a picnic!

DAD            COME ON! (Goes off with suitcases. Mutters.) Holy s---    

MOM            (Holds a finger to her lips: "Not in front of the boy.") Honey,

            shhh! (DAD exits muttering)

BILLY   I have to say goodbye to Huey.

MOM  Honey, you've ALREADY said goodbye to your duck.

BILLY  PLEASE?!

MOM  OK, but hurry up. You know how your Dad is. He wants to "get this

            show on the road". (Goes off) We'll meet you at the car. And

            HURRY! (Exits)

HUEY, the duck, enters.

BILLY  (Walks over and pats him on the head) Goodbye.        

DUCK  (Matter of factly) Goodbye. (To audience) I wish he wouldn't

                        pat me on the head.

BILLY  The mailman is going to take of you while I'm gone. Mom and

            Dad are paying him five dollars a week to change your water

             and put your pellets in your dish every day. (Pets him again,

             then walks away, then turns back.) Be good. (Exits)

DUCK   (Shakes his "feathers") Be good yourself. God, I hate to be

                         petted sometimes!

BLACKOUT

The back seat of the car. MOM and DAD are in the front seat.

DAD is whistling "No Other Love".  MOM is looking out the window. BILLY is

sprawled in the back seat.                                               

                                                              

MOM            Mmm! Breathe that fresh air! (BILLY sticks his head out

            the window. MOM pulls him back.)  HONEY! Don't stick your

            head out the window!  

DAD            Do you want to get it wacked off?!

BILLY  Dogs do it.

DAD            Well, you're not a dog. ...Now, sit back and settle down.

            (Resumes whistling "No Other Love".)

BILLY   I'm bored.

MOM  (Turning around) Don't be silly. You can't be bored.                                     

            It's only been ONE hour since we left... (Turns back)

BILLY  But I AM bored. And it's been FOREVER.

MOM            Don't be silly. Why don't you work on one of your activity books?

BILLY   I've already connected the dots. (Holds it out.) See?

MOM            (Absent mindedly, looking out the window)  Uh-huh.

BILLY    (Turns a page) This is the Blue Fairy. (Turns a page)  And this

                is Gepetto.

DAD            What happened to Pinocchio?

BILLY   They don't have any dots to connect for him.

 DAD            Well, that's life. You're one top one day and the next they

                        don't give you any dots.

MOM            Oh, they must have some dots for Pinocchio. Why don't you

                        you check it again?

BILLY   Uh-uh! (Adamant, holds up book)  You can look for yourself.

MOM            OK! OK! I believe you!

About the Author

John Arnold has had have his work presented in either a reading or production at American Conservatory Theater (San Francisco) playreading series; California Playwrights Festival, Sacramento; Out and About Theater, Minneapolis; Playwrights Center, San Francisco; Sacramento Theater Company; West Coat Ensemble, Hollywood; Aloha Theater, Kainaliu, Hawaii; Moving Arts, Los Angeles; Mercury Cafe, Denver; First Stage, Los Angeles; The Theater-Studio, New York, Prince William Sound Community College, Valdez, Alaska; Theater of Western Springs, Illinois; and others. His monologue “Bit” is featured on Fourth Wall Review.com. His screenplays have been finalists in the Art Color “Digital Cinema International Film Festival, Montreal, the San Francisco Global Movie Fest and Indie Film Fest, Switzerland.

His latest play is Going Home: A Comedy.

For More Information

• Visit John Arnold’s website.